


Deflated balloon and empty chair

by creativitea



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Other, angsty balloonlock, balloonlock, nicotinepatches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 10:08:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9175882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creativitea/pseuds/creativitea
Summary: (put the contentwarning on because it deals with the aftermath mary's death)No balloon or dog or wife of john or friend or case is able to fill the empty chair in the livingroom.





	

**Author's Note:**

> shoutout to this fanmix for keeping me company writing this; https://playmoss.com/en/taako-2/playlist/i-always-survive-a-fall

  
In the beginning, he kept the balloon to have some of John's wit left there in the ~~ir~~ lonely flat.  
Honestly, out of sentiment. (don't tell Mycroft)  
No balloon or dog or wife of john or friend or case is able to fill the empty chair in the livingroom. (even when someone as dear to him as mrs. hudson is sitting in it.)  
Nor should they, though. He doesn't want a replacement, he'd rather have an empty chair(throwing the chair out is not an option). But he keeps the balloon like a nicotinepatch.

John wants nothing to do with Sherlock now.  
But then again, Sherlock blames himself for Mary's death too. (Which is why he's told Mrs. Hudson to use Norbury as a codeword.  
He can't ever let his lack of selfcontrol harm John or anyone else he cares about to this degree ever again.  
There are no Vatican Cameos left to use, but Norbury is the new, more real codeword for danger.  
It's as triggering as the Maggie-shrine, but he knows that will shock him into gaining selfcontrol in where he's never been good at putting it.)

 

His sockindex has been annoyingly neat for what feels like an eternity.  
And making a mess of it himself doesn't help. He's tried.  
It doesn't give him back his roommate, it makes a mess. (but at least it makes a mess he knows how to clean up.)

  
This more than a three-patch problem.  
No amount of patches could help him quit John. (and he's stressing out about quitting cold turkey, even if he's tried quitting in the past)  
No amount of balloons either. But maybe more balloons could help fill the very empty flat.  
Either make it look less sad, or ten times more tragic.  
But he still decides to get more balloons.

There are two ballons lined out in front of him.  
He aims at the one in the back with a dart, but it hits the front one.  
Several times. Until there's only one blue balloon left staring at him.

  
Much like with his real one, communicating his emotions with a face is not easy.  
(But the he places the note from the stagnight with his name on it on the balloon.)  
He knows what faces to use when he puts on an act to gain something,  
but he can't find it in him to intently be selfish regarding John anymore.  
He's taken too much, he can't afford to manipulate him now.  
But he needs the rattle back, even if that makes him a baby.  
He won't throw it away again.  
Writing "Sorry." on the balloon, he sort of hope the pen makes it pop, but it doesn't.

He leaves the blue balloon at her gravestone for him. This graveyard is a painful reminder of his history of making John grieve a loss.  
It still echoes of the words of his friend begging him to just be alive, and they feel ironic now.  
It feels insensitive to even be here(maybe he's being selfish again), but he doesn't know where else to reach out.  
John might pop the balloon and push the real Sherlock further away after this.  
Wouldn't blame him. (he even leaves the dart, is that too cruel? is this Norbury?)  
But Sherlock can't find it in him to throw out the balloon, no matter how deflated it gets.

**Author's Note:**

> please keep in mind that the way sherlock treats himself in this fic is not something i think is....  
> the way anyone should treat themself. But I can relate to his self-punishment, which is why the fic happened.  
> But I just wanted to be clear about that I don't condone it!
> 
> also i know it's probably silly to write angsty fic about a goshdang balloon, but i rly like it's metaphor ok?? haha


End file.
